Who are you measuring yourself against? Your co-workers, classmates, fellow alums, friends, or family? We’ve been conditioned to use benchmarks set by experts and industry leaders so that we know if we’re up to par. This is good for companies, products, services, etc., but for people this can lead to negative behaviors and thoughts, such as imposter syndrome. There’s nothing wrong with a bit of competition, but at what cost?
What is imposter syndrome? Very Well Mind defines it as an “internal experience of believing that you are not as competent as others perceive you to be.” Similarly, Healthline refers to it as “perceived fraudulence and it involves feelings of self-doubt and personal incompetence despite your education, experience, and accomplishments.”
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How they think
People with imposter syndrome think that they’re not “X” enough. Whether that’s good, fast, smart, knowledgeable, or productive enough, they fear that they do not live up to expectations. Let’s pause for a second. Do you see the issue in this thought pattern? What is “enough” and what are the “expectations”? Who defines “enough” and the “expectations”?
Often “enough” and the “expectations” are made up in the person’s mind when it comes to imposter syndrome. People with imposter syndrome compare their skills and competencies to others based on their observations. Often they set the bar so high that not even their peers can realistically achieve it. One client felt like she was always “working hard” while other people in her industry just seemed to get it. In fact, she did work harder than those she compared herself to. It was only her and the founder in the company, whereas her industry peers had more staff and resources.
The impact of comparison
Our eyes do not tell the whole story, it’s only an observation. We are blind to the real expectations as well as the context of the person to whom we’re comparing ourselves. When we compare ourselves to others, or think how we should be, we are looking at the world with binders on. Many with imposter syndrome are not “frauds” and typically are doing just fine. They are choosing an unrealistic benchmark set by them. This can lead to self-doubt, sabotaging one’s own success, and attributing one’s success to external factors such as luck. Severe cases can result in anxiety, overworking, and/or burnout.
Whether or not you have imposter syndrome, stop comparing yourself to others. Instead, see others as a source of inspiration or ideas to set your own measuring stick that accounts for your goals, capabilities, and lifestyle. It took time to develop imposter syndrome, and in time you will move past it by practicing more constructive thoughts.
This story is a series from the Coaches Corner – short stories, tips, and ideas from the bCOACHED coaches who got your back. Click here to read more stories from the Coaches Corner.
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