What is coaching? – A Practical explanation

We are in the age of gurus, shamans, and coaches.  People are actively seeking out the help of specialists who can help them solve their problems or change their lives.  This is great!  As a society we are more open than ever to exploring new ideas.  However, people know more about what gurus and shamans do than coaches.  When asked, “What is coaching?” the average person says something along the lines of, “Someone who gives advice and tips while helping you reach your goal.”

What if I told you that coaches don’t give advice? And that advice comes from mentors, advisors, and consultants.  Experienced coaches know that advice is like throwing spaghetti at a wall – it sticks for a while before falling to the ground.   Phil Jackson, one of the greatest basketball coaches, is quoted for saying, “You can’t force your will on people. If you want them to act differently, you need to inspire them to change themselves.”   Coaches are in the business of sustainable change, not quick fixes. 

What coaching is not

Coaching is not like Google.  There’s a reason why the tips you read online do not work.  They do not consider your context and personal experience.  Coaching will help you figure out what to do, based on your personal situation.

Coaching is not therapy or counselling.  It focuses primarily on the future.  It does not deal with healing pain, trauma, or dysfunction.  There may be coaches with training/certifications/degrees to support you through such, however this is the exception, rather than the norm.  The past is used as a reference or a source of information in coaching.

Coaching is not a training session.  The conversation is not one directional in which the coach is imparting knowledge.  Generally, coaches do less than 30% of the talking in sessions (and 30% is even high).

Coaching is not about the problem.  Problems are problems because we see them as problems.  As the saying goes, “one person’s trash, is another person’s treasure.”  Coaches will coach you to see the problem from a different perspective.  This will create new opportunities and options for you.

What coaching does

Coaching helps you discover what’s getting in your way. Some of those obstacles may be out of your control while others fall into your locus of control.  Coaches are trained on various methodologies to help you uncover what’s interfering, even if that interference is yourself.

Coaching helps you create a game plan and hold yourself accountable.  It is more action oriented compared to therapy.  Each session ends with action items that build upon the previous sessions.  By the end of your coaching engagement, you will have defined key steps and made considerable progress towards them.  Your coach will also support you in identifying consistent sources or strategies that can keep you accountable, as your coach knows that they will not always be there.

Coaching helps you manage the change and possible stress. Change can be challenging.  Not only does it impact you, but also everyone and everything around you.  Thus, as you change, you may encounter new obstacles.  Your coach will support you in managing your response and stress.

Coaching helps you “keep it real.”  Your new game plan will be designed with you mind.  You will be able to take action in a way that aligns with your personality and values.  Instead of asking “What would Chad do?” your coach will help you figure out “What would You do?”  This will ensure your future actions feel more natural instead of forced.

What to expect when working with a coach.

Did you notice in the above section that coaches “help you”, rather than “give you?”  As coaches, we believe you have the potential inside of you.  We’re like that boxing coach in your corner helping you identify your strengths and weaknesses as well as the strengths and weaknesses of whatever you’re up against.  We know that we can’t come in the ring with you. Each session is like your personal training so that you can stand strong on your own and be prepared to respond to whatever is coming towards you.

When working with a coach, you can expect the coach to ask you many questions.  The questions are not for them, it’s to help you question your intentions, beliefs, motives, emotions, doubts, and the way you operate.  This type of self-inquiry is transformational and sometimes uncomfortable.  If it becomes uncomfortable, inform your coach.  Experienced coaches can continue to coach you with out saying a word, just by reading your body language and eye cues.  Therefore, it’s important to have your camera on if you’re being coached virtually.

Coaching is goal oriented.  Your initial sessions will be focused on setting the goal and the expectations of how you will work with your coach.  Most coaches will establish a “contract” to hold you both accountable towards this goal as it serves as way to show you both are committed to doing everything in your power to help you achieve that goal.  The following sessions will focus on various topics, set by you, to bring more clarity, a new perspective, and steps to take.  Each session will end with action items for you to do that bring you closer to reaching your goal.  Please note that some action items may be a small as taking mental notes of your responses while others may be having a difficult conversation.

What you’ll get out of coaching

A common phrase amongst coaches is “coach the person, not the problem.”  Problems don’t change.  People change.  As mentioned earlier, coaches are in the business of sustainable change.  Their focus will be entirely on you.  Imagine, having dedicated time with someone who helps you think through your thoughts to help you realize a new way to do things.  And this new way aligns with your lifestyle and values – you can do it authentically without compromising who you are.  That my friend is what you get out of coaching.

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